So as you all know by now (or if you dont wow you are certainly a bit late) I broke up with Flim Flamm as I will now call him.
Originally it came up and asked if he was bored with me. It then resulted in an honest answer, finally. He told me, that our relationship and my personally formed basically into the description of "stale". Now here's the back story that needs to be given for everyone to understand why this frustrates me so much. For the past 5 months, I've been in a relationship where I tried so hard to spice it up. I'd bring up conversations, call him on the phone, send him adorable text messages, take him to unusual but cool places, and even lose my virginity to him. Yet he refers to "our relationship as stale" if anything, my friends, I should be the one calling him "stale". You wanna know why? Because all those phone calls and texts I never got a reply too, ever. Because when I'd take him to a broadway show or to places like St.Marks, He'd be confused or get scared. Though my other boyfriends have had their faults similar to this, neither of them where afraid of St.Marks place. I always question myself why I didn't break up with him after that horrible date in the city, where he didn't want to go on the Toys R Us ride, because the "line was too long" and he got too tired and hot to walk 1 fucking block in the pre- July weather. Where he didn't want to take me to an actual nice place to eat but rather the shitty food at Kinos (not saying its bad its just nothing i actually like to eat). I did so much stuff to try and keep things happy and good, I said yes to everything he said, I almost never disagreed. But what do I get for this? that our relationship is stale.
and guess what? Well losing my innocent womenly rights to him, sucked balls.
He didn't know what he was doing, even though he claimed I'd have the time of my life, and that whole speech about "why would he been asking so many time if he didn't really wanna do it just with me" bull
The best part, he got tired before we even really got into it, fail yes? At least i got something out of it, that i can never have to call myself a 40 yr old virgin. But what does he get left with? Oh that he had a stupid first time and didn't even came. Yeah I'll probably complain he dated a fatty, but that was his choice, the idiot.
It just stuns me how much of an idiot I was to continue being with him even though I knew he probably wasn't into as much, and same with me. But I crave physical contact, its a problem I have, that I'll almost do anything to have a guy kiss me or put his arm around me. But just having someone devote attention to you, its something I always seek and can't seem to let go of. But I need to start to learn to actually develop a relationship before anything further blooms, then I can actually find someone.
Now though, the goal is to stay single till I'm done with school pretty much. Yeah, it'll be somewhat depressing, but I need to focus on my career, since I feel being with Andy has made my work terrible since I was focusing more on him then my art. Now I can devote myself to the craft of filmmaking and make it fucking fabulous, just like me
So this weekend (I'll be at the con both Saturday and Sunday now), lets celebrate the fact now I can focus on my real family, my friends.
Let's do a Betsey Johnson cartwheel shall we?