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Fredric March approved


 So as you all know by now (or if you dont wow you are certainly a bit late) I broke up with Flim Flamm as I will now call him.
Originally it came up and asked if he was bored with me. It then resulted in an honest answer, finally. He told me, that our relationship and my personally formed basically into the description of "stale". Now here's the back story that needs to be given for everyone to understand why this frustrates me so much. For the past 5 months, I've been in a relationship where I tried so hard to spice it up. I'd bring up conversations, call him on the phone, send him adorable text messages, take him to unusual but cool places, and even lose my virginity to him. Yet he refers to "our relationship as stale" if anything, my friends, I should be the one calling him "stale". You wanna know why? Because all those phone calls and texts I never got a reply too, ever. Because when I'd take him to a broadway show or to places like St.Marks, He'd be confused or get scared. Though my other boyfriends have had their faults similar to this, neither of them where afraid of St.Marks place. I always question myself why I didn't break up with him after that horrible date in the city, where he didn't want to go on the Toys R Us ride, because the "line was too long" and he got too tired and hot to walk 1 fucking block in the pre- July weather. Where he didn't want to take me to an actual nice place to eat but rather the shitty food at Kinos (not saying its bad its just nothing i actually like to eat). I did so much stuff to try and keep things happy and good, I said yes to everything he said, I almost never disagreed. But what do I get for this? that our relationship is stale. 
and guess what? Well losing my innocent womenly rights to him, sucked balls. He didn't know what he was doing, even though he claimed I'd have the time of my life, and that whole speech about "why would he been asking so many time if he didn't really wanna do it just with me" bull.
The best part, he got tired before we even really got into it, fail yes? At least i got something out of it, that i can never have to call myself a 40 yr old virgin. But what does he get left with? Oh that he had a stupid first time and didn't even came. Yeah I'll probably complain he dated a fatty, but that was his choice, the idiot. 
It just stuns me how much of an idiot I was to continue being with him even though I knew he probably wasn't into as much, and same with me. But I crave physical contact, its a problem I have, that I'll almost do anything to have a guy kiss me or put his arm around me. But just having someone devote attention to you, its something I always seek and can't seem to let go of. But I need to start to learn to actually develop a relationship before anything further blooms, then I can actually find someone.
Now though, the goal is to stay single till I'm done with school pretty much. Yeah, it'll be somewhat depressing, but I need to focus on my career, since I feel being with Andy has made my work terrible since I was focusing more on him then my art. Now I can devote myself to the craft of filmmaking and make it fucking fabulous, just like me
So this weekend (I'll be at the con both Saturday and Sunday now), lets celebrate the fact now I can focus on my real family, my friends.
Let's do a Betsey Johnson cartwheel shall we?

On what has happened....

I'm currently typing with my fingers on the brink of shaking, even though the news sunk in the moment it happened, it definitely came to a shocking realization as I sat in the bed I was sleeping in last night, trying to think of something positive to get my mind off of it, when I came to another realization... he's dead and for the most part its real.
I know some of you may giggle, you might cry, and or you might not even give a shit about this news. But let me tell you about Michael. He was a man that inspired me to do a lot, more then any of you could ever imagine. He was a man that purely magical, so much that even to this day, the things he did mind boggles me. Everything he did was magical... his smile, his dancing, his words, his whole aura. I know everyone has different opinions about him, you might think he is completely strange, a freak what have you. But then you obviously don't know who he actually was... He was more then just Thriller, Moon walker, Smooth Criminal, and King of Pop... He was a man with a brilliant yet complex mind, and also an all around beautiful and good natured person.
Michael Jackson was such an important person that shaped me into the human being I would become... as many have said he was the soundtrack to my life and more. He was a man with such an imagination, it would make one that if you got to know him the way I did almost cry, because he was unlike any other.

Please, do me a favor. When you begin to think about this man today or the next passing days... do not make a joke about him.... do not refer to him as "wacko jacko" or whatever other names he has been called... think of him as a human being that was so talented, beautiful, creative and beyond anything that any other human has been on this planet. But also think of him as a person that longed to find acceptance in the world, but no matter what he did to try and make himself perfect in his and others eyes, no one would accept him. I hope the passing days proves to all of you that this was an incredible creature that "moonwalked" this planet with us, he wasn't just another Tabloid article waiting to happen, he was much more then that.

Michael, I know you are out there somewhere. You are with everyone of us that believed in your magic, knew that you were special, and would always know that you will always be the King of Pop, Rock, Soul and everything else in between. You taught me so much, ever since I saw Black or White when I was 3, you were the only one that made me want to be myself, without any question. I knew I could do more then I was told by professionals, who said I was doomed to a simple non social life. You gave me hope and courage. Now I will carry the wisdom that your impact has given me with me everyday, and always remember that it was you who did it.

I wish that I had gotten to meet you, but I felt like I've known you my whole life.... and with that, I know when I go up to wherever you are now... you'll be one of the first people I see and hug ever so tight.

Forever may your new star in the sky sparkle baby.... We know you'll be the one dancing and twinkling in the sky the brightest.



 My dear friend Mary's brother died on the recent days and the day afterwards was given a foreclosure notice, possibly leaving her
amazing family without a home during this horrible time that they already have to deal with. 
I please ask that you read this article and post it where-ever you see fit so that people get the message of how unfair our system is, 
and maybe in someway we can find someone that can help these fantastic people.